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April 30th, 2007

thanks for the memories

4/30/07 07:22 pm
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so im having a hard time grasping the concept of "teenage romance". but then again, who understands that crap anyways? i just dont understand how you can have your whole entire life to live, and feel like you have found the person that you are going to be with forever. because you "love them", and you "don't know what you'd do without them in your life", and all that other couples bullshit. give it a year.. maybe two, max.. and you'll be saying that to someone new. i just dont see why everyone is in such a rush to be in a relationship. we're teenagers! im not going to deny the fact that i have liked people, and wanted to be in a relationship, but its never been a necessity. some people feel that they cant be accepted unless theyve been in a relationship. heck.. im 17, never had a boyfriend before, and im happy as can be! i have friends who love me and accept me for who i am, and honestly.. thats all i need right now. im young. there's no need for me to be "tied down". i mean.. its not like im looking for my husband already. seriously! i have my whole fucking life for that! i just dont get what the hype is all about. is it hormones? the influence of the media, or of friends and family? or is it just something that goes along with being a teeenager, and you just kind of have to deal with it. ive had my fair share of being hurt because someone didnt like me back, but im not about to go and let that ruin my life. ive also never liked someone so much that i "loved" them and "needed" them. i guess i cant really speak from my own experiences, because, to be honest, i havent had any. but im okay with that. i know that i dont need a boy to make me happy, and when the right one comes along, and the time is right, it will all fit together perfectly. but for now, im just so confsed about people and their fucking relationships. and dont even get me started about PDA, and being all over eachother, always. i could go on for fucking ever about that, and how much it bothers me. for anyone whos reading my raves and rants, you may not agree with what i have to say, but this is my own understanding of some of the observations ive made, so dont take it personally. i just think that teenage romance is a little ridiculous, and overrated. be a kid. relationships with come when they come.. no need to go out looking for them and hoping for them. whatever happens, happens!
--victoria xo
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April 10th, 2007

i am new, i am fresh

4/10/07 09:07 pm
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wow. i really suck at this "livejournal" thing seeing as i post entries randomly at wierd times, and far away from eachother. ah well. i guess other things have just been on my plate? so.. what to update you on.. my life is pretty much the same old all the time. nothing too exciting. and i know people say that a lot.. but in my case it is entirely true. no exaggerations. im one of those people who leads a less than exciting life, but alas, it is a stellar one. i guess one big thing thats coming up is.. MY 17th BIRTHDAY! which is in exactly 3 days! :) im pumped about that. even though i proably wont be having a party i decided. mostly because who i want to be there has become complicated. so maybe i will just do something small with my closest friends ever. besides.. its only 17.. not one of those big milestone birthdays. also, this friday susie is coming down!! (pretty much my bestest friend in the whole wide world). im excited beyond belief mostly because i only see her in the summer.. and that is definately not enough. im hoping to have a wicked awesome time with her. also.. this weekend is MSEC.. which is the huge choir festival that takes place within the mennonite schools each year. our school, little ol' umei, just happens to be hosting.. so it should be interesting. im looking forward to it. mostly because last year was a blast, and im hoping that this year is too. hmm.. after writing all of this down, i guess that my life is kind of exciting at the moment. theres so much going on outside of school.. and i have a lot of work and stuff too. aaahhh. im also re-doing my bedroom next week! (if all goes well). just gotta buy the paint.. and take some stuff off the walls.. and do some cleaning in general. uugghh. i should not be spending my time on here when i have so much to do, but i cant help it. im fucking addicted to the internet.. and thats bad! theres so much more out there, and im always glued to this stupid computer screen. blah.. something needs to be done about that! but i really do not know where to start. ah well. i will have to learn the hard way from my bad habits i guess. i really want to work on improving my singing voice at some point as well.. and gosh darnit.. i want to learn to play the fucking guitar!! ive had one for a year.. and can still only play a G. what the hell is wrong with me? a lot apparently. im so flawed its ridiculous. but that is an entirely different topic all together.. and i wont get into it at the moment. well this is pretty much my life in a nutshell. think what you want.
--victoria xo
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March 27th, 2007

do you see me tonight?

3/27/07 09:47 pm
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so ive been doing a lot of thinking lately. probably more than i should. which is resulting in me going to be late, and not being able to sleep and having a terrible time waking up in the morning. but that is besides the point. thinking is a good thing i guess. good for the brain, and it makes us socially aware of things. well.. after doing all of this thinking, i have formed some opinions and learned some things. im turning 17 in less than a month, and though that scares me, i think im more prepared to turn that age than some of the people that i know. its hard to believe sometimes that i am the same age as some of the people in my class. theres days i feel so much older. must be because i actually act my age. the maturity level of some of the people in my class is ridiculous. and though i dont want to sound like someone who doesnt know how to have fun, its gotten to the point where its just plain annoying. i cant relate to them. nor do i want to. having fun and acting silly is not a bad thing at all! i do it! but the difference with me and my friends, is that we do it in moderation, and in a way that isnt annoying to everyone around us. plus, we laugh at things for a legitamate reason. not just for the sake of laughing and causing a scene. i often just shake my head because i honestly do not know what to say or do half the time. its just plain stupid. and i know that im not the only person who is getting fed up. you know.. you think you know someone.. but they end up being someone totally different. but hey.. its not my life. im not the one being annoyingand having people get fed up with my actions and what i say. attention can be a bitch.. and going about getting it can turn people into them. acting stupid and loud isnt the only way to get attention people. how about doing something fucking worthwhile with your time instead of running around and hiding behind garbage cans. ITS LAME. i may sound like a bitch right now, but i honestly could care less. their excuse for acting crazy may be to "unwind" and not deal with there "terrible lives".. but c'mon.. suck it up! your life does not suck. and you have nothing to complain about. you are fucking blessed. youre just too self absorbed and selfish to even realize. you think youre depressed? how about you suffer from REAL depression. you think youre in emotional pain? talk to someone whos just lost a loved one.. or is abused.. or just isnt loved. you think the whole world stops when you got a problem? think again. people are going to drop everything to help you.. just like you wouldnt do that for them. people have their own fucking problems to deal with. in the end, we're all just trying to figure out this "life" thing on our own. so the maturity level of people.. and their self-pity is what ive been thinking about. and my conclusion is that its a bunch of bull shit. there is so much more outside of the highschool walls. im tired of this fucking soap opera. grow up people. i wish you the best of luck in the REAL world.
--victoria xo
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March 26th, 2007

its not over

3/26/07 06:01 pm
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so its been awhile since ive posted something on here, so i thought i would update by stating one of the cutest things i have ever heard.
the guy from seconhand serenade calls himself that.. because he sings all the songs to his wife first.. making that FIRSThand serenade. BUT OH MAN. thats the cutest fucking thing i have heard in a long while. i absolutely adore it and had to share.
why cant there be any boys like that out there? oh i know.. its cause theyre too fucking stupid. ah well
good day!
--victoria xo
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February 21st, 2007

FOG DAY!

2/21/07 12:24 pm
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no one was supposed to ever see this, cause i  wrote it with the intention of no one seeing it. but its pretty much what my heart was feeling.. but in word form. my heart misses feeling like this.. but oh well.. it happens. so here she is! be careful with her.



                        Wandering aimlessly among the thoughts that were collected along the way

Just the very thought of you sends shivers up and down my spine

You can either make me or break me

Which one is it going to be?

As the notes are sung there’s only one thing on my mind

And its you

My vulnerability makes me weak at the knees

Are you going to be there to catch me?

I replay the words that you spoke over and over in my mind

Trying to capsulize the feeling that I felt

I can only feel it once; but the shadow lingers on

My mind is racing and my heart is beating

I’m gonna take this chance

You look at me and you see me

I talk to you and I understand you completely

With the sun in my eyes and your hand in mine

Lets run away from here

Forget what we’ve heard and everything they say

Who cares if they laugh

I’ll bet they’re jealous of what we have

This may sound like a cheesy love song

But the words come from the heart

They pour out of me and they keep on flowing

As the minutes turn to hours this isn’t getting any easier

But it’s not as hard as it used to be

Your voice echoes

But I miss seeing the smile upon your face

Come run away with me?

Play me a melody ever so soft

And I’ll sing you something out of key

But it’s perfect

Cause I’m singing it for you

Look into my eyes as I stare into yours

You brush up against me and I fall

I trip over and over again

Do I make any sense?

Can you hear what I’m saying?

The rain pours

But you push the clouds away

The wind howls

But around you there is a perfect calm

Is this right?

Or am I just hoping it’s not wrong

The tears roll down my cheek and land on my lips

But they form a smile

                                 Just knowing that I’m on your mind makes everything okay

--victoria xo

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February 19th, 2007

play it a little louder next time

2/19/07 07:11 pm
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so im putting off studying and researching because i am cool like that. ugh.. it sucks that i actually have to work this semester. ah well.. i'll get over it. afterall, i am a senior now, right? i havent been on here in forever! probably because i cant use my math classes anymore. *sigh*. i wish it were sunny right now and that i was in a big meadow just running through the fresh grass with my hair blowing in the wind and holding hands with a special someone while doing so. thats what i want in life at the moment. i dont want to be sitting here, all cooped up in my house cause its 7:14pm and dark/cold out and im writing in a livejournal because i am procrastinating. thats not what i call a stellar life. but thats how it is for the time being. i cant fucking wait until spring. or when i get my g2.. or for florida for that matter. i need patience though! its less than a month away. and hopefully my g2 is less than a month away as well. i need that sucker! that way i can actuaully have a life. i could also go for a popsicle right now. one of the pink ones.. no wait.. purple. i want a purple one. gosh my mouth is salivating just thinking of that. ugh. life is so fucking boring in february. something exciting needs to happen so i can actually write about something interesting instead of all the other boring shit that goes on in my so called life. but hey.. you love it.
--victoria xo
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February 12th, 2007

la de da?

2/12/07 09:33 pm
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so i dont fucking know whats wrong with me.. but ugh. whatever. here's just some random song lyrics from songs that i am listening to. 

i can with-hold like its going out of style

                                                                      but im in the same place i used to be

my paper heart will bleed

                                                                       your skin and bones turn into something beautiful

i dont believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now

                                                                         have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

if i suddenly went blind, would you still look in my eyes?

                                                                         

                                                                              you can't feel it but i do

theres something strange going on in my head

                                                                               im not quite over getting into you

and today was a day just like any other

                                                                              if you jump i wont make you fall

whats a crush to do when you cant get through?

                                                                              please dont tell me that im the only one thats vulnerable

cause youre my dream please come true

                                                                                its gonna be alright

i cant see me loving nobody but you for all my life

                                                                                youre fucking pushing me

yep. well. music is a powerful thing.

--victoria xo

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January 30th, 2007

i won't wear no dog tag

1/30/07 02:45 pm
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im thinking that im going to spruce this journal up a little bit.. put more character in it.. and actually make it mean something. afterall, if someone is taking the time to read it, might as well make it worth it, right? right.

so i was just kinda sitting here when i realized how much i hate labels. im not talking about the labels on soup cans, or the ones that come on your clothes and are super annoying.. im talking about the labels we put on people. i think it's sick, it's shallow, and it's unnecessary. who are we to judge eachother? do we really need to put people into catagories in order to identify with them? because doing that is like saying that we have to be with our own "kind". how pathetic is that. it shouldnt matter if we listen to dark music, or like the colour pink, or if we wear bows in our hair, and dark-rimmed glasses. is expressing indivuality really a crime? is it horrible to like more than one kind of genre of music.. or wear more than one colour? the way i see it, is everyone is conforming. if you go to the mall nowadays, and look at everyone, its like looking at one person. we all dress the same, talk the same, look the same. personally, i think we're all lost. being a teenager and growing up is hard. we're trying to figure out what we want to do, and who we want to become. and on the way, we're a whole bunch of people that we aren't. we're confused, scared, intimidated.. at least thats what i am. i was once told that im the kind of person that you can put into a catagory.. one that cant be classified. and though it may sound like an insult, it was the biggest compliment i ever received. at least i know im doing something right. im being myself, im not conforming, and im not trying to be, or identify with someone that im just not. im a little bit of everything. 
- i own cowboy boots
- i like emo/acoustic music <3
- i like the colour green... and black and pink and grey and brown
- i wear dark-rimmed glasses
- i say "holla" and pretend im a gangster on a regular basis
- i own sports jerseys
- i have worn a bow in my hair
- i like polka dots 
- i like reading/writing
- i own an ipod
- i've shopped at american eagle.. its actually one of my favourite stores
- i wear converse. they are my favourite
- i wear plaid
... so you see? there is nothing wrong in liking more than one kind of style or trend. theres nothing wrong with being a mix of different things. as long as you are true to yourself, and know whats important to you, what difference does it make in the end? i dont need a "label" to tell me who i can and cannot be. im vicki. 
and im a pretty complex being. 
fuck conformity.

--victoria xo
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i won't wear no dog tag

1/30/07 02:45 pm
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im thinking that im going to spruce this journal up a little bit.. put more character in it.. and actually make it mean something. afterall, if someone is taking the time to read it, might as well make it worth it, right? right.

so i was just kinda sitting here when i realized how much i hate labels. im not talking about the labels on soup cans, or the ones that come on your clothes and are super annoying.. im talking about the labels we put on people. i think it's sick, it's shallow, and it's unnecessary. who are we to judge eachother? do we really need to put people into catagories in order to identify with them? because doing that is like saying that we have to be with our own "kind". how pathetic is that. it shouldnt matter if we listen to dark music, or like the colour pink, or if we wear bows in our hair, and dark-rimmed glasses. is expressing indivuality really a crime? is it horrible to like more than one kind of genre of music.. or wear more than one colour? the way i see it, is everyone is conforming. if you go to the mall nowadays, and look at everyone, its like looking at one person. we all dress the same, talk the same, look the same. personally, i think we're all lost. being a teenager and growing up is hard. we're trying to figure out what we want to do, and who we want to become. and on the way, we're a whole bunch of people that we aren't. we're confused, scared, intimidated.. at least thats what i am. i was once told that im the kind of person that you can put into a catagory.. one that cant be classified. and though it may sound like an insult, it was the biggest compliment i ever received. at least i know im doing something right. im being myself, im not conforming, and im not trying to be, or identify with someone that im just not. im a little bit of everything. 
- i own cowboy boots
- i like emo/acoustic music <3
- i like the colour green... and black and pink and grey and brown
- i wear dark-rimmed glasses
- i say "holla" and pretend im a gangster on a regular basis
- i own sports jerseys
- i have worn a bow in my hair
- i like polka dots 
- i like reading/writing
- i own an ipod
- i've shopped at american eagle.. its actually one of my favourite stores
- i wear converse. they are my favourite
- i wear plaid
... so you see? there is nothing wrong in liking more than one kind of style or trend. theres nothing wrong with being a mix of different things. as long as you are true to yourself, and know whats important to you, what difference does it make in the end? i dont need a "label" to tell me who i can and cannot be. im vicki. 
and im a pretty complex being. 
fuck conformity.
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January 22nd, 2007

*sigh*

1/22/07 02:01 pm
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it's kinda been a long day. when i woke up this morning.. i didn't really want to go to school, yet here i am. sitting in the computer lab not doing my math... again. ugh. i just want exams to be over and second semester to start. im feeling so lazy and un-motivated. this sucks the big one. but i dont know what to dooooo. im rather in a pathetic state at the moment. its not exciting, and its definately not fun. i have spare next period so maybe i will do some resting.. but who knows. i hate days like these more than anything. mostly because the sun is shining, and i should be feeling happy, but im not. crapola. that is what i have to say. maybe tomorrow will be a little brighter? 
--victoria xo
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